In a Rush

Everyone is in a rush nowadays. A bloody, goddamned rush.
Rushing here, rushing there. Come to think of it, I was in a rush too. Rushing every school morning, catching up on homework. Rushing to the computer every day, rushing to check my games. So much rushing to do. And then, one morning there is no homework to rush. One day, there is no game to check up on. One day, I did not turn on the computer.
I was rushing so much, that when I stopped, it felt awkward. There was nothing left for me to do. Rushing had become part of my life.
Books that I'm reading now tells lifes of twenty-year olds and teenagers. Excited about their future. Always wanting more. In a rush, in a rush, in a rush. Like my twenty-year old cousin. But that seems to be all twenty-year olds are doing nowadays. Rushing off to parties. Rushing off to work. Rushing off to dates. Always rushing, never stopping. They leave behind messy rooms, worried parents, upset grandparents. Rush off and rush back. The twenties are the materialistic years, I read. It's when people worry about dates, about boyfriends, about how they look, about how they talk. Dancing till 5am. Playing till tomorrow. It's alright, the twenty-year olds don't need sleep. They just want to have fun. They just want to live their lifes.
But when you are rushing so much, when will you stop? Will you ever stop? Will you ever remember how to stop? In a rush, people forget bits and pieces of their lifes. Maybe they forgot that someone didn't like blue. Maybe they forgot that someone was allergic to seafood. Maybe they forgot about someone. Maybe that someone was important and special.
But that 'someone' was important. That someone was special. That someone used to be around for 24/7. But in a rush, that someone was forgotten. And once in a blue moon, you'll look back on your life and think about that someone. And you'll remember what that someone and you did together that was special. And you'll remember that you were the one who left that someone behind.
My cousin is living with us now. I don't mind my cousin, we get along well. But living under the same roof, there are some things that I found out that I didn't want to know. She used to be like a godly figure to me. She brought me out for treats. She let me know her really wonderful best friend. But we didn't live together then. We were not strangers, we were close. And I liked that.
Now she's in our apartment. All of a sudden, a goodness and her badness become more visible.
She takes us out to watch her perform. Her wonderful best friend tutors us in math. But she gets mad when we wake her up too early in the morning. She loses it sometimes when someone tells her to do something.
She talks like someone from England to get a better pay, she says. When she talks to people, they all gap and ask if she studied aboard. No, she didn't. She studied in Singapore.
But I hate it whenever she talks like some student who had studied in England. I hate it that she doesn't like her Chinese heritage. That she is ashamed of being a Singaporean. Foreigners are looked up in the current society. If you study abroad, people will look up to you too. But if you are from China, people look down on you or people look away.
The smart people of this world teach the younger generations about the Holocaust so that things like that would never be repeated again. The Holocaust was a matter of racial dislike gone big. We shouldn't despise on other races, we should al live together in peace and harmony, else things like the Holocaust will happen. Yeah, right. So what the hell is this? I have a Chinese teacher who doesn't speak Chinese. I have a Chinese cousin who acts like she's ashamed of her Chinese heritage. We have people from all over the world looking down on one another, just because their status is not as highly or as important as they themselves. So what the hell is this? What the hell happened to peace and harmony? Just because mass killings didn't take place doesn't mean we all like one another in this world. Genocides happen because these minor skrimishes between races crossed the line. And they say that things like the Holocaust should never have to repeat again. They obviously don't know our society very well.
But back to being in a big fat rush again. Sometimes I think, will I be in a rush like this when I grow up? I hope not. But now is only now. Who knows what the future would become? Maybe I'll take drugs. Maybe I'll become a criminal. Maybe I'll talk, act, and pretend to be a rich bitch so that I'll be liked. Maybe I'll rush about in the cold and cruel world to dates, to parties, to pubs.
But now for the moment, I just want to sit down and be content with my place in life. It's not like I have nothing better to do. It's not like I don't have any friends. It's not like they don't ask me out. But it's just that sometimes, I just don't want to go out. I just want to stay in bed and wonder about the great philosophical questions in the world.
Are teenagers suppose to care so much about these kind of things? At thirteen years old, I'm too young to date. I'm to young to enter a casino, I'm too young to drink alcohol. But I have male friends. I had a bird's eye view of a casino once. I downed cocktails and Bacardi during nights.
I guess my point in this blog is that I don't get why people have to rush about nowadays. And also why people try so hard to be someone they're not, just so as to get what they desire. I like my cousin, I really do. But I just wish that I hadn't seen so much of who she was really like. Ignorance was probably a bliss after all.
I probably shouldn't put this kind of things up onto blogs, but if I don't then I'll just explode and have a restless night again. I feel really bad for that someone. AKA my grandmother. When I reject going out with my friends and my parents are not at home, we'll both sit on the bed and talk. We'll talk about things that should only be mentioned to someone you trust. We'll just talk. And she tells me so many things. Like how she loves her son for being so filial. And how he treats his cats better then he treats her (during a moody hour). She tells me how close she and my cousin were in the past. How they stuck together like glue for 24/7. And how quickly her temper was lost when my grandmother tried to do something for her. (My grandmother slightly cleaned up her room a bit, but my cousin reckoned that she had shifted and messed with her things).
Sometimes I feel so bad for my grandmother. It sucks to be one of those forgotten people.